Rules of My Car

I love my car, it is truely my baby in every respect, except sexual and familial.  So to keep my baby clean and fresh I have many many rules for my car.  Yes I am very strict over my baby.

1. No sex in the backseat of my car - a rule I thought I would never have to come up with, then I heard one of my friends kept a towel for himself and others.
2. No eating in the car - eat in the car, you can walk home.
3. I'm the only one who drives - it is my car.
4. If you're wet, you sit on a towel - I have suede seats so I hope that's understandable.
5. Shotgun is my secretary while in my car - yes, I am responsible and attempt to follow the rules of the road.
6. Puke out the window not on my seats - that's a ***** to clean.
7. Puke on my seats, you're cleaning it - I'm not cleaning your mess.
8. Shit your pants, you're cleaning it - look up one for explanation.
9. No I don't listen to the radio -  so it's what's on the mp3 players in the car or nothing.
10. No sitting, standing, or hanging on my car - try it with me at the wheel, I hope you can keep your limbs.
11. My car is racist - some what of a rule, but my car tends to hate on the majority of my friends.
12. No smoking in my car - I don't smoke, and I don't care if you do just I don't want my seats smelling like an ash tray as I stated they are suede.
13. Do not fight to get to my car - my car has two doors, it doesn't make a difference who gets there first, do things the simple way and call "shotgun", then I'll call reload and it'll be a toss-up from there.
14. Should you be an *******, you're - as I stated before, I attempt to obey the laws so don't become a distraction by acting a fool, I will even drop you off while on I-95.
15. Don't be a backseat driver - I have a mother for that, and I barely drive her around for that reason, so unless you're giving directions don't tell me how to drive.

These are my base rules, some may be uncommon to most people and their cars, but I love my baby.  I may come up with more rules as they apply.  So watch for new posts for more rules if you're ever riding with me, these will be amendment posts.